Madden NFL 10 comes out on Friday. Yeah, Friday the 14th; it’s the same date every year, but the day of the week changes. Hopefully you’ve noticed that by now. Is there anything else you need to know this week? Great, now that we got that out of the way I would like to feature a different game release this week. Paws & Claws: Pet Vet – Australian Adventures is due out this Wednesday for the Nintendo DS, and I would like to highlight this momentous occasion by retelling an Australian adventure I once had that may or may not have happened. Intrigued? Really? Well, prepare for a tale of epic irrelevance beyond the break…

Ever since I was a little Tsuj I’ve been intrigued by the mysterious island continent that is Australia and I knew I was destined to make it to this barren landscape, full of adorable bear creatures and whatever the hell a wombat is. However, it takes time to plan such an adventure and my dream of visiting the Down-Under-verse wasn’t realized till the age of, oh let’s say twenty-three. As a bold, yet naive young adventurer I had no idea what to expect as my plane’s landing gear screeched to a halt at…….Australian……International…..Airport, but with no agenda and little guidance I set out to lose myself in the mythical Australian Outback, and this is what I did, and where my adventure took place. Armed only with the knowledge that toilets flow counter-clockwise and that Mel Gibson hates Jews, I looked out across the desert landscape before me and put one foot in front of the other. I walked for what seemed like an eternity, regretting my brash decision to visit Australia almost immediately. The heat was unbearable.

As the sun began to set on the first day of my Australian adventure that would one day inspire the creation of the DS title Paws and Claws: Pet Vet, Australian Adventure, I sought shelter underneath the sparse cover of some nearby Eucalyptus trees. I sat and awaited my inevitable demise at the hands of some sort of poisonous snake or half-duck creature, when I heard a rustling in the canopy above me. I raised my eyes to the sky and could vaguely make out the slow movements of something climbing down the tree trunk above my head. Before I could react, the animal leapt out of the tree straight at my face. Reacting as any American would, with violence, I punched at the incoming shape before me, knocking it to the ground. As I approached the fallen creature, I felt a sense of pride at having defended myself from all that Australia could throw at me. That is, until I saw that the wounded creature was an adorable Koala bear. What would my mother think?! I had punched the cutest animal on planet Earth right in his adorable face. My inner veterinarian leapt into action as I assessed the animal’s injuries, noticing it favoring it’s left leg. I quickly made a splint out of bark and the carcass of a king cobra (which I had previously vanquished). After treating the injured leg of my new fuzzy friend, I strapped him to my back, ironically like one of those Koala backpacks, and bolted forth towards the nearest animal hospital, which was nearly a day’s trek away. However, I vowed not to let an animal die due to my own careless need to punch things in the face, and unrelentingly sprinted across the harsh Australian outback.

As the sun rose on the second and final day of my journey, I sat in the waiting room at Australian…..International……Veterinary Hospital and awaited the results of my new friend’s condition. Hours passed without word. I sat exhausted in the waiting room and as my eyes began to close, welcoming the sweet embrace of death…..or sleep, I can’t remember, the door before me swung open to reveal a hobbling but otherwise healthy Koala bear! I ran up to my little gray friend and said gleefully, “Hey little buddy! Sorry about the face punching. How are you feeling?” The tiny creature looked up at me quizzically, turned it’s head as if it understood me and then opened its mouth. “I’m aight” it said. Thus ends my Australian adventure! Here are this week’s game releases!